It Doesn't Get Any Easier

I've been staring at my computer trying to figure out some great tip to give out on how to make going back to work easier after maternity leave.  I have nothing for you ladies--nothing! 

Today was my first day back after spending three months with my new little girl, Sofia.  I thought that because I had done this once before, (albeit three years ago) that I was going to get up, get dressed, give her a kiss goodbye and skip out the door.  I was either delusional or in serious denial, or maybe just a bit of both.

My morning, however, definitely went smoother than I expected.  And by that, I mean, I was able to take a shower, shave my legs and straighten my hair.  Impressive, I know.  I then frantically scanned my closet for something to wear.  Preferably something without buttons or zippers.  Alas, I came upon a black dress that required nothing other than slipping it on over my head.  Much to my credit, I avoided both, muffin top and camel toe.

Somehow, Giuliana knew that I was fragile this morning.  Was it the extra hugs and kisses I required from her? Was it the fact I was staring at her in the mirror when I brushed her hair? Whatever it was, she sensed it, and she fully cooperated. She didn't fight me on getting dressed and slipped her petite self into a pair of skinny jeans.  She ate breakfast, gave me a big hug and kiss and left to go to school with my hubby.  For some reason she looked 18 years old this morning.  She might as well been heading off to college.  As I closed the door behind her, my vision became blurred by all of the tears welling up in my eyes. I missed her a little more than usual today.

Sofia was just getting up as they left.  I fed her, holding her just a bit tighter..  Suddenly,  I found myself lost in her blue eyes. Would time pass as fast as it did with Giuliana? If I blinked, would Sofia soon be 3 years old too? How do I make time stop? How do I freeze this moment? How do I bottle her baby smell?

The doorbell breaks the silence.  It is my Aunt Maria, ready to spend the day with Sofia while I go to work.  I hand her the "Soares Family House Manual" (a three ring binder, which contains all contact numbers, emergency information and sheets to record all of Sofia's feedings, naps and poops).  I pack my lunch, give Sofia one last kiss and get in the car.  I sit in the driveway one last moment, and watch as my Aunt Maria waves Sofia's hand to "say goodbye to mommy".  My heart breaks.

I take a deep breath, back out of the driveway and head to work. 

My tips:  Stock your closet with Kleenex for your tears and duct tape to mend your broken heart.